Once again...

[blackrosethorn]

Oh my fucking god, I absolutely hate myself right now. I could die, and just not give a god damn. Everything is just so fucked up right now, Jesus.

I feel like screaming, but at the same time I have no voice at all. I'm tempted to cry, but that's something I just don't do any more. It's a waste of time, and everyone I've ever cried for has left, so there's no point to it.

I've just run out of that person I thought I was, and I just hate everything and everyone around me. I've no one down here, and while I can offer help and advice, and even a shoulder to lean on, I can't ask for those things in return.

It's like I'm falling through the bottom of every bottom, and there's nothing I can do about it. And it feels like no one cares, and I can't help but give into it.

I'm hardly sleeping, I don't eat even though I'm hungry, and I can't get out of the synic I'm in. Even though I'm miserable like this.

And no one notices it either. Probably because I've lived in the background so long, that I've actually become the background. That must be it.

If I wasn't totally against self-mutilation I would probably be doing something to that prodigal, or at the very least, I'd be tempted.

I have nothing to distract me from this at all. I don't watch TV, my brother lives in the living room, so it's not like I can be on the computer that much, and I've read every book I own, twice.

I am so...alone, even though I have you all close to whatever is left of my heart, and yet I'm empty that I no longer consciously need to want company any more. Yet at the same time I know that if any of you left I probably wouldn't continue to exsist.

I depend on you, and yet I can't at the same time. And as much as I hate it, there's a wall that's almost made itself, and I just don't have the strength to stop it, at least not today...

I'm going to go before I say anything else.

[Sanity_Theif]

...*sigh* i wish ustill lived here i would hug you and tell u its ok but...i cant really except say its ok on here.if ur having troule call me sweety ok? il call u more if i can but ur long distance and undtil i get a cell i cant!...is their still a way u can get here at all? cause i miss ya hun! i havent seen ya in a while.and theirs no reason to hate life like u do...it always finds ways to get better! yes im being optamisistic but iv figured that out recently.theirs no point in beinf upset all the time its not qworth it sweety.all itl do is hurty you and you dont need that.when u comne over ill buy u a book or 2. you could take up art.even if u cant at all since you have nothing to do now is a good time.if u still lived here i would make u u know that.you know that u started to more before u left.so why not try now? u really arnt that bad and it expresses the way u feel and if you need just get a refrence use one of my art or the internet sweety.believe itl help and keep u entertained.
Also when u come up ill probably have a job so i can get u some movies to,ok? and ill have to give u back uir sailormoon videos.but just remember Aurora theirs no need to be sad ok? also ur religous right?well u have ur faith unless uv went back on thatthen u still have us anyway.evevn tho u say u have a wall or barrier up break it down its useless because all ull do is go on hurting force ursell to just give into that it and be loved and a apreciated and to be hugged and feel like u belong because if wev been friends through all this then i assure you our friendshup will be fine.were no back stabbers and we love u.we also wont leave u or hurt you.so open ur heart to us and all the good things that life is about sweety.You man ALOT to us.even to evan he barely knows you.it hurts us all to see u like this.especially when u do have stuff to be thankfull for sweety.friends,family,music and ur religion and many more things.dont worry about all those ppl that put u down their shit heads and wortless.their not worth ur time!and all the ppl that tell you u can do shit THEY MEAN SHIT!got that?UR AWSOME AND AMAZING! and yes i know it sounds lame and cheasy but serously aurora ur better then the sadness and all the lame ass ppl that mean nothing ur better and deserv ALOT in life and i assure u ur time will come sweety it always does.so really i ask u,does sadness matter that much? when theirs so much more to be glad and happy about!? WE LOVE U AND DONT FORGET THAT!!!!!!!*GLOMPS* I NEED TO RAPE U TO BY THE WAY!!!i never got the chance lol

[blackrosethorn]

wow, see now I feel really bad. I'm sorry if I worried you guys, for a couple of days I was just really out of it, and not myself I guess.
I can't stay on long, so I can't get into any depth, but thanks, it means a lot. *hugs*
love you guys.

[Mr Gloom N' Doom]

i didnt take time to read all of that, but im sry you felt bad Aurora *hugs*

[blackrosethorn]

*hugs* Thanks, but I'm all better now...well at least for the most part

[Mr Gloom N' Doom]

ah, shit happens

[blackrosethorn]

gah, ain't that the truth.

[Mr Gloom N' Doom]

;D

[blackrosethorn]

oh yeah!